“If you’re invested in security and certainty,
you are on the wrong planet.” 
– Pema Chödrön

 

It’s Okay to Not be Okay – Daigan Gaither

Mar 22, 2026

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Daigan Gaither helps us examine how we can remain deeply engaged with a suffering world without losing our sanity, despite the “fire hose” of constant information and activism.

He explores the phrase “it’s okay to not be okay” as a living practice rather than a mere platitude. Drawing on his experience as a Zen priest and long-time activist, Daigan explains that the Buddhist commitment to “not turning away” from suffering can sometimes lead to a state of being “overpowered” by the sheer volume of global crises. He argues that practitioners must learn to differentiate between the information they truly need and the noise that causes unnecessary overwhelm, while also paying close attention to “internal consumption”—the rigid thoughts, judgments, and expectations we impose upon ourselves.
Daigan emphasizes that being “okay” is not a static state achieved through knowledge or following rules, but a continuous process of returning to the present moment. He suggests that the heart of practice is the ability to sit still amidst whatever is happening and connect with the raw reality of one’s own body and mind, rather than the stories we tell about them. To cultivate this resilience, he highlights several key approaches:
  • Mindful Consumption: Recognizing that thoughts, media, and opinions are forms of consumption that can create a cycle of anxiety if not monitored.
  • The Pursuit of Joy: Actively seeking out “pockets of safety” and small moments of delight—such as videos of babies laughing or the support of a community—to avoid falling into hopelessness.
  • Investigating the Body: Viewing mind and body as inseparable and investigating where emotions live physically (such as shallow breath or tightness) to transform abstract “big feelings” into manageable sensations.
  • The Power of the “Return”: Accepting that 90% of practice is simply the act of settling back into awareness whenever the mind wanders into “not being okay”.
By viewing this internal struggle as a koan to be investigated, Daigan invites listeners to find a sense of liberation that doesn’t require the world—or themselves—to be perfect.

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Rev. Daigan Gaither (he/him) began Buddhist practice in 1995 in the Vipassana (Insight) tradition, then began studying Zen in 2003. He received Lay Ordination in 2006 where he was given the name Daigan or “Great Vow,” and received Priest Ordination in July 2011.

Daigan speaks internationally on a variety of topics particularly around gender, sexuality, social justice, and their intersections with the Dharma. He also sits or has sat on a number of boards and committees that serve community needs and further social justice causes.

Daigan has a BA in Philosophy and Religion from San Francisco State University, and an MA in Buddhist Studies (with a chaplaincy certificate and a certificate in Soto Zen Buddhism) from the Graduate Theological Union and the Institute of Buddhist Studies. He lives in San Francisco, CA and identifies as a disabled, queer, white, cis male. Learn more at https://queerdharma.net